Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
