toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm sobbing to NWA
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
