I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize