sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
