she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
