I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
