I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize