WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
