No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
