brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
