Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
