you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
