I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
