If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
