Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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