I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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