I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
