i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
