i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
