why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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