I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
