i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
