Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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