she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
