Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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