I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's never too late to be topless.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize