Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
