My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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