thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
