I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
