An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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