Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
