Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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