He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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