Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
