I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
