he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
