i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
