Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize