ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
