Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
