if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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