If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
