Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
