i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
