I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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