why didn't you poke me back
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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