Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
