how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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