i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
