you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
