Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize