As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
