Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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