We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize