Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We are all done wearing pants today
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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