my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
