I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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