i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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