Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
