Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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