Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
