Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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