we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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