I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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