First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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