how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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