areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
NoShamevember. You game?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
