do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
