"it" just moved
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
