Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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