my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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